90 Funny Attitude Statuses & Quotes

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Are you looking for a fun way to express your attitude? We’ve got the perfect quotes and messages that you can share on Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp – or wherever else you want.

You can choose the one that describes your attitude the most from our selection of 90+ ready-to-use examples. It’s your attitude and your life. So show it off in a funny way.

Do not forget to let us know which one do you like the most in the comments section that is available at the end of this article.

FUNNY & HILARIOUS ATTITUDE STATUSES

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CHOOSE FROM EXAMPLES BELOW:

1. “People always say that nothing is impossible. That’s not true. I do nothing every single day.”

2. “Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.”

3. “Sometimes people deserve a high five on the face with a CHAIR.”

4. “The longer the title the less important the job.”

5. “Taking revenge is wrong.. very very wrong.. But very very fun.”

6. “Whenever I think of quitting smoking, I need a cigarette to think.”

7. “Eat right, exercise, die anyway.”

8. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”

9. “Dear Teacher, I talk to everyone, so moving my seat won’t help. Sincerely, Student.”

10. “Both wife and insult are somewhat similar. They always look good, if it is not yours!”

11. “We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.”

12. “What people say to your face is not a problem. The problem is what they say behind your back.”

13. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.”

14. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”

15. “Silence is the best answer to a FOOL.”

16. “An apple a day will keep just about anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”

17. “When I was born, I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and half.”

18. “My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my BED.”

19. “Why is ‘Monday’ so far from ‘Friday’ and ‘Friday’ so near to ‘Monday’???”

20. “Galileo – Great mind! Einstein – Genius mind! Newton – Extraordinary mind! Bill Gates – Brilliant mind… ME – Never Mind!”

21. “Some people are just so FAKE that if you look properly at the back of their neck, you’ll find a tag saying “MADE IN CHINA” :D”

22. “I always arrive late at office but I make it by leaving early.”

23. “Can you do me a favor? Take a picture of yourself, and send it to me. I am playing cards and seem to be missing the Joker.”

24. “I’m pretty sure the whole ladies first thing was created by a guy just to check out @ss.”

25. “I’m that ugly I asked myself out and I said no.”

26. “They say don’t drink and drive. Well.. Yesterday I was drinking a juice box while riding my tricycle. Yeah. I’m a [email protected]

27. “Patience is not a virtue. Its just a waste of Time! :P”

28. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito.”

29. “I hate when I’m about to HUG someone really s3xy and my face hits the mirror. :p”

30. “People say I have a dirty mind, But I say its just creative!”

31. “I’m not lazy, I’m a master of energy conservation.”

32. “I know the voices in my head aren’t real but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!”

33. “When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing Angry Birds with you?”

34. “My Girlfriend says I need to be more affectionate… Now I have 2 Girlfriends!”

35. “Me and my wife live happily for 25 years and then we met…”

36. “Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.”

37. “A good friend would bail you out of jail but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying, damn that was cool.”

38. “Good friends will share the umbrella. Best friends will steal it and yell: It’s awesome, now run!”

39. “Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.”

40. “Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words.”

41. “When I drink alcohol… Everyone says I’m alcoholic. But… When I drink Fanta… No one says I’m fantastic.”

42. “Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.”

43. “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.”

44. “I love my job only when I’m on vacation.”

45. “My mother always told me: If you do not have anything nice to say, then you better say it sarcastically.”

46. “I love everyone! There are some people I love to be around, and some people I love to avoid. And then there are others I do love to just punch in the face.”

47. “They say we learn from our mistakes. So I’m making as many as possible! Soon I will be a genius.”

48. “Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.”

49. “Tom N Jerry taught me that life is boring without ENEMIES.”

50. “I started out with nothing and i still have most of it :)”

51. “I’m poor. I can’t pay attention in class room.”

52. “Life is short. SMILE while you still have TEETH.”

53. “I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too.”

54. “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.”

55. “When everything comes your way… Then you are on the wrong part of highway.”

56. “I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent.”

57. “Tried to loose weight… But it keeps finding me.”

58. “I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.”

59. “Marriage is a “workshop”, Where husband ‘works’ and wife ‘shops’.”

60. “When nothing seems right then go left…”

61. “ETC – End of Thinking Capacity…”

62. “Scratch here ###::::## to reveal this status…”

63. “High power comes with high electricity bill!”

64. “Try to say the letter M without your lips touching…!!!”

65. “All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.”

66. “If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂”

67. “I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them 🙂”

68. “Mosquitoes are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.”

69. “When I actually die some people are going to get really haunted.”

70. “A fine is a tax for doing wrong & a tax is a fine for doing well…!”

71. “Man ask a trainer in the gym: I want to impress that girl…, which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the ATM!”

72. “Save Water, Drink Wine!!”

73. “The main cause of divorce is a marriage!”

74. “Life is too short, so smile while you still have teeth.”

75. “I may be fat, but you are ugly. The truth is I still can lose that fat.”

76. “If money grew on trees, then girls would be dating monkeys…!”

77. “Totally available!!! Please disturb me!!!”

78. “Hey there, whatsapp is using me.”

79. “My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.”

80. “Marriage means silent suicide.”

81. “People said to follow your dreams so I went back to BED.”

82. “Save Water, Drink Beer!”

83. “People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason. 😉”

84. “Fun fact: Phone on silent mode – 10 Missed call… Turns volume to loud – Nobody calls all day!!”

85. “When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be: I left one million dollars in the…”

86. “C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping 🙂”

87. “Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.”

88. “I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice 🙂”

89. “Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.”

90. “Cell phones these days keep getting thinner & smarter… People the opposite.”